Open letter to all New Yorkers

22 Mar
Montréalais, fermez les yeux:

I saw you ordering cheap dumplings in Chinatown, thrift shopping in West Village, smoking a cigarette on the Coney Island boardwalk, carefully choosing tomorrow’s bread in Chelsea market, texting on the L train. You are everywhere, roaming the streets of Brooklyn and Manhattan amongst thousands of your kind : the young, sexy, single New Yorker.

I am now aware of your existence, and while you are not yet aware of mine, you should be.

I am a pretty amazing young lady. I can make you look at your surroundings in a new, refreshing way. I am lovely and lovable, and I just so happen to bake the best cookies in the world. And pancakes to die for, too. I can also make poutine and pâté chinois – not quite fancy French cuisine, but still exotic and impressive to your friends and coworkers. I don’t  even mind washing dishes. I can sing you mesmerizing lullabies from my homeland such as Gros Jambon and Bobépine. My English is not perfect, but it will most certainly get better with you. Meanwhile, you will fall for my mysterious accent. And because I’m from Quebec, everything you heard about Canadians does not apply to me– I do not own a single cable knit sweater, I do not wear rackets in the winter, I do not say eh and zed – but I do know a fair share of French dirty talk. And think about it, if all the cool bands come from Montreal, the same is necessarily true about women.

Please hear my plea, especially if you have a nice apartment and enough money for me to start my life over in NYC –and see a lot of plays while I’m at it.

Let’s get married. We will picnic in Central Park on Sundays, bask in the sun and be happy forever.


Oui, j’étais en tshirt à New York en fin de semaine et la neige me fait chier.

4 Réponses to “Open letter to all New Yorkers”

  1. Brianne 22 mars 2011 à 12:05 #


    p.s : je cherche plus pour la west coast.

  2. marilou-garou 22 mars 2011 à 12:46 #

    En autant que tu n’empiètes pas sur mes plates-bandes…!

    • Brianne 22 mars 2011 à 21:43 #

      D’accord, coupons au milieu du North Dakota en ligne droite and you got yourself a deal.

      • marilou-garou 23 mars 2011 à 17:37 #

        Bon deal!

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